31 Things I Learned Before My 31st Birthday (pandemic edition)

This year, guys.

This year tore me apart and built me back better. At the beginning of the year, my coworker Joanne (hi Joanne!) did a tarot card reading for me outlining what my life would look like from January to March. She was spot on. What she couldn’t predict at the time however was how March onward would completely change my life. I think it’s changed everyone’s lives.

I’m turning 31 on December 29th. It’s much less scary than turning 30 (that was a stressful one), but as I did last year, I wanted to take this time to reflect.

Here are 31 things I leaned before my 31st birthday (pandemic edition).

There Are Good People Out There And I Am Worthy Of Being Loved

I think it’s hard to for a lot of us to get out of the mindset that we aren’t good enough to be loved. Maybe past relationships or trauma told us that not being loved was our lot in life. Until very recently, I was telling myself that I’m not worthy of love. I even wrote about it- about how maybe being truly loved by someone just wasn’t in my cards. No one loves me romantically right now, BUT I’m choosing to change my mindset from the lack mindset of “no one will ever love me”, to the abundance mindset of “I am worthy, I am a great person, I have a good soul, and I deserve to receive the same love I give”

Sometimes it feels like an uphill battle- especially these days with dating apps. I hate dating apps- I’ve always been terrified of them, but thought it might be a good way to learn how to talk to people again, so I downloaded them. 90% of the people I come across aren’t people I would be interested in spending time with. There are a lot of uh…interesting people out there. We’re all just looking for connections (during a pandemic, I know), but when someone you do become interested in isn’t as interested in you or stops talking to you, it could make you feel less than and unworthy. Unworthy of their time, their affection, etc. I think there is a lesson in this as well- not everyone stops talking to you because of you. Sometimes people have things going on, or need time to themselves. Sometimes people come into our lives to teach us patience and trust.

If we believe that everyone is brought into our lives for a reason, we can start to see lessons in everything that happens. Maybe you were meant to meet someone to become lifelong friends with them, maybe you ARE meant to date them but not yet, maybe someone is being brought in to show you how there ARE amazing people in the world, maybe bad people get brought in to show you how strong you can be. Maybe someone gets brought in to show you what your type is (or what it isn’t). Maybe you’ve been through a lot and someone new gets brought into your life solely to show you your worth.

Whatever happens and whoever you meet, just don’t EVER settle for less than you deserve.

Don’t Keep Relationships That Are Negatively Impacting Your Life

This could be a romantic relationship or a friendship. If it’s not serving you for the better, let that shit go. It’s scary to let things go. It’s terrifying to go “Into The Unknown” as Elsa would say (hey, I’m a mom, I had to use a Frozen reference), but just DO IT. You know who I’m talking about. As you’re reading this you have a name flashing through your mind of someone you need to let go of. Maybe you’re holding on because you’re comfortable, co dependant, etc, but whatever is waiting for you on the other side is SO much better than what you’re holding onto. You need to let go of them to make room for the amazing people who could be holding that space instead.

Even When You Don’t Think You’ll Be Okay, You’ll Be Okay

The beginning of the year was one of the most difficult times of my life. Even when you’re in a toxic relationship or marriage, it’s still a hard thing to take those first steps into leaving it. Sometimes you take those steps on your own, and sometimes you’re shoved forward, but amazing things happen when you’re falling forward. On the way down you find yourself again. You learn how to breathe again. You learn what things you require out of life. How to serve others and how you want to be served. If you’re going through a break-up of any kind and it feels like your world is shattered - there IS happiness on the other side of this. If someone would have told me that at the beginning of this year I wouldn’t have believed it, but it’s true.

Self Love Is The First Step In Being Happy

This one is a new lesson for me, but it might be the most important one I say here. You need to show up for yourself every single day. When no one else is around, YOU are what you have and you are more than enough. We can never truly be happy in a relationship if we can’t love ourselves first. If you don’t love yourself, you will ALWAYS question if other people could love you.

Be worthy of your own love first, and others will pick up on that. Know that you are worthy of every amazing thing life has to offer. You are an amazing person, and a bright light in this world. Sometimes it’s hard to see our light through the darkness, but it’s there. Nurture it. Now that we are in wave 2 of the pandemic, there’s no better time to learn to enjoy your own company.

I Am Beautiful Even If My Body Doesn’t Meet Typical Beauty Standards, And So Are You

More than ever this year, I’ve learned that we are SO much more than our looks. You guys know that I’m a spiritual person, and 2020 has me leaning into that more than ever. We are ALL just souls here to learn lessons. We are collectively going through this human experience together, and once you realize that, life becomes so much more easy to understand.

It’s hard to not let our ego get in the way when it comes to appearance, and there is nothing wrong with working towards looking better (who doesn’t love feeling attractive), but just remember that you are MORE than that. Your hopes and dreams and your heart and soul are beautiful even if you don’t feel physically attractive all the time.

This last month or two specifically, I’ve been focusing more on my health - physical, mental and spiritual- and as a result I’ve lost almost 15lbs so far- but my spiritual growth is even more impressive to me than that. I feel more at peace with my appearance BECAUSE I’m working on the mental and spiritual aspects as well.

My physical body has been through a lot. It went through an eating disorder in my teens and early 20s, weight fluctuations over the years, frequent shoulder dislocations due to an injury, birthing a baby, losing a pregnancy, WAYY too much caffeine consumption- but all of those things are a part of who I am. It’s all a part of my story.

I do want to continue to lose weight because I want to be healthy (so my soul can stay on this crazy earth as long as possible), but I’m actively choosing to love myself as I am now. I love my soft skin, I love where my waist curves into my hips, I love my face, my legs, my voice (which I used to hate)- the whole thing. The whole package that makes me who I am is incredible. The whole package that makes YOU who you are is incredible because that body of yours is housing your incredible soul, and it is FIRE.

The Universe Always Has Your Back

I know we all have different beliefs about God and the universe, but whatever you believe in, just KNOW that the universe is on your side. Everything that happens to you happens for a reason. Every single person you meet was put into your path for a reason. Those reasons aren’t always clear at first, but they always come to light. Keep an eye out for signs - repeating numbers, songs that come on at the perfect time, dreams, etc. There are always signs to show your going in the right direction.

We All Need To Just Collectively Agree To Say How We Feel From Now On

I’m tired of being afraid to say how I feel, and I definitely need to take my own advice here, because I don’t fully do this yet but I want to. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, but I’m just tired of it. Don’t tell someone something for the purpose of being mean, that’s not what I’m saying. But if you have feelings for someone- just tell them. Maybe they don’t feel the same- but you won’t know if you don’t say anything. If you are happy and thankful to have your best friends in your life- tell them! If you miss your brother because you don’t see them enough, tell them. Is there someone who just completely brightens your day with their social media posts? Let them know.

I made a TikTok recently talking about how I have a running list of notes in the notepad on my phone made up of messages I want to send people but I’m too afraid to. I’m done being afraid. I’m done hiding myself. Sometime within the next few weeks, those messages are being sent.

*Update- I sent one of the messages I’ve been holding onto the last week. It didn’t go well in my favour - BUT I do feel lighter. No major regrets there. Okay some regrets- but it’s okay.

Manifestation Is Real. This Isn’t Something I Learned This Year, But It’s A Constant In My Life That I Love To Talk About

I mentioned the notepad on my phone above, and I don’t just use it to write long unsent messages to people- I also use it to write about things I want in life. It’s a quick and easy way to manifest something. Write down what you want as if you already have it, then forget about it and move on with your life. 4-5 months ago I wrote a list of things I wanted for myself. Like actual items I planned on buying over time. Since then, I’ve been gifted 3-4 of those items through random circumstances. My mom finding a nice big full length stand mirror for me on clearance, sneakers I wanted going on sale, offers for a collaboration, etc. That’s manifestation, friends.

Wear What You Want

Before this year I would pin outfits to Pinterest of things I dreamed of wearing but was too afraid to. Somewhere at the beginning of the pandemic I said fuck it, and started wearing what I wanted. Because I took that risk, I started getting offers for brand collaborations with clothing companies - and now my closet is FULL of beautiful dresses and tops and purses that I would have been too nervous to wear before.

Let Go Of People Who Have Let Go Of You

This could be family, relationships etc. For the last 3 years, I’ve been completely haunted by a close friend/family member that cut themselves out of my life. I won’t go into details, but there was some mental health issues on their part with depression. I was also going through a lot at the time, and we had a small fight which caused them to essentially ghost me and our entire family. When I tell you I’ve thought about it weekly since then, I’m not exaggerating. I’ve wondered how they’re doing, what their life is like, if they’re okay, if they’re happy, This was someone I considered to be one of my best friends, and it killed me to lose them from my life.

I’m now choosing to release them. I can’t have this haunting me for the rest of my life. It’s too heavy and it still hurts- and therefore I need to completely let it go for my own growth and happiness. I will always want the best for them and always wish we could have reconnected, but I can’t dwell on it anymore. The universe removes people from our lives for a reason. Maybe we just had a better chance of growing while apart.

Stop Fucking Apologizing

I just can’t anymore. I apologize simply for being myself WAY too often and I’m done with it. I’m the worst with this. I will literally text someone something and then panic and second-guess myself and then text them back saying that I was sorry for saying what I just said. Like - what? If I’m truly sorry for something or for how I made someone feel, I’ll sincerely apologize, but I’m done saying sorry for little things like texting someone. My most used phrase is “sorry for bothering you”, even when I’m texting a friend who I’m clearly not bothering. Why am I like this?

I apologize for the stupidest things. I’m done. I’m just me- I’m awkward and I say how I feel too often, and I overthink everything and I’m working on it, okay?

The Pandemic Has Taught Me That Home Can Be Anywhere

We’ve all been cooped up in our houses for the most part during these last 8 months. We’ve been watching the world on our phones- or rather watching other people in different parts of the world who are also cooped up in their houses. We’ve pulled inward and bunkered down. We’ve spent our evenings calling or FaceTiming our family and friends because we can’t see them. What has this taught me? That we can literally do all of this from anywhere in the world. Love for our friends and family doesn’t stop just because we aren’t physically in the same town as them. In fact, that love has grown in a lot of ways, because we aren’t taking seeing them for granted anymore.

All of this to say, I will have a house near the ocean someday. If another pandemic strikes, I want to spend my time walking along the shore. You can all FaceTime me while I’m out watching the sunset over the ocean.

I’m A Better Mom When I Take Care Of Myself

Before this year I was stuck in a cycle of running on empty all the time, taking care of everyone else’s needs before my own. This year I’ve been working on myself a lot more, and I’m a much more patient and energetic mom because of it.

I’ve been taking time to meditate, read, listen to music, go for walks, talk to friends, practice self care, journal, etc and I’m feeling so much better lately and able to better serve Mason.

I Just Want To Have Fun And Live My Life

I’ve always been preoccupied with worrying about the future, or my “next steps”. The pandemic has taught me that sometimes time literally stands still, and there’s literally no way to plan for every aspect of the future. Let’s just release that stress and have some fun while we’re stuck at home. For the rest of the pandemic, you can catch me shaking my ass in the kitchen every night to songs I heard on TikTok, k?

Ask Mason- kitchen dance parties are a frequent occurrence lately.

I’m Not An Imposter

Imposter syndrome is REAL! Especially with us creative types. I wonder sometimes if I every have the right to call myself a writer. Despite how many times I’ve been published, I feel like a fraud sometimes. I’m done with that bs. I love SO many of the things I’ve written and I just want to share them. In the coming months I’m going to be releasing a lot more work. I’m trying to decide if I should release it here or create a writer/author website for myself, but several poems and short stories are coming soon.

Call Your Grandparents More

They’re stuck at home more than we are and they get lonely. I’ve been calling my nan more lately and it’s the best. We can chat forever like a couple of old bffs, and nans usually have the best advice.

Find Your Squad And Hold Onto Them

This year has taught me how important it is to find your PEOPLE and hold onto them. It doesn’t matter if you live in the same city- start ongoing group chats, use FaceTime, pick up the phone and call people, etc.

Pushing Your Emotions Down Isn’t Good For Anyone

I’ve had so many moments this year where I’ve caught myself trying to hide how I feel. Or if I do express how I feel about something, it’s met with a negative reaction. You can not control someone’s reaction to your emotions. Someone having a negative reaction to your emotions doesn’t mean you need to hide them.

You shouldn’t have to worry that feeling sad will make someone else uncomfortable. You shouldn’t have to worry that being too happy will make someone annoyed. Just sink into your emotions- feel them, release them, do what you need to do.

None Of Us Know What We’re Doing

I think I wrote this in my birthday post last year too, but we’re all just blindly leading each other through life. It doesn’t matter how old you get, none of us really know what the Hell we’re doing. What our next steps are, what our futures hold. We all have the same basic needs for love, happiness, security, abundance. When you really sit and think about how we’re all just collectively floating through life together figuring things out, it makes things seem less scary, doesn’t it?

Social Media Is NOT Real Life

I have a bad habit of living on my phone. I check social media way too often, I worry about what to post, what not to post, what people think of me, etc. Then I met someone recently who is the opposite. They live life in real time and don’t worry about what their next move on social media is. They leave their phone in another room to charge while they do other things. It made me check in with myself and realize that I need to start doing this. I need to be able to comfortably leave my phone in another room while I do things and not always have it glued to my hand.

I also want to be more real on social media. I’m still going to post outfits and styled photos, but maybe think more about the message behind them. I want to make a conscious effort to show up in a real and authentic way going forward.

Get Outside As Much As You Can

Walk barefoot, go for more walks, go sit by the ocean, hike through the forest. Just go outside, close your eyes and breathe every now and then. It helps.

I Have A Lot Of Shadow Work To Do (and you probably do too)

If you’re spiritual, you know that shadow work is the process of exploring our own darkness. It’s the parts of you hidden from your own awareness. These parts are going to directly impact your life, so doing shadow work is necessary for us to reach the best version of ourselves. If you aren’t spiritual, this probably sounds like a bunch of woo, but to put it simply, it’s diving deep into your past traumas to heal from them and move forward.

My current goals with shadow work are to work on my anxiety and anxious attachment issues. In relationships or even friendships, I tend to need constant reassurance that things are going okay, which tends to annoy people or have the opposite effect of what I need. I did a past life regression in July (which I’m still going to post!), which uncovered some abandonment issues that could be contributing to issues I have now.

I also want to work on self love, and work at releasing the preconceived notions that I have that I’m not good enough. I think a lot of times we expect that someone amazing will come along and save us. That someone will accept all of these traumas and issues we have- but the truth is, we need to work at saving ourselves. We need to become the best version of ourselves so we can show up for others AS that best version.

There Are SO Many Worse Things Than Divorce

When my husband and I broke up in February, I started a list on my phone of everything worse than divorce. During a pandemic- and just with 2020 in general, it was easy to find things to add (murder hornets anyone?). Let me know if you want me to post the list!

You’re Not Going To Understand Everyone, And Not Everything Someone Says Has A Hidden Meaning

I have an issue where I try to understand people TOO much. For example, if someone is trying to communicate something, trying to figure out what they “really” meant will eat away at me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve called my mom asking “What do you think they meant by that?”, and she will say “I think they meant exactly what they said.” And then she will remind me that I’m being my usual neurotic self. I think it’s just my own conditioning from being lied to so many times with past relationships- I’m always looking for a hidden meaning in things. Sometimes if someone says they’re busy or not feeling like talking, they’re just not feeling like talking. Everything doesn’t have a hidden meaning.

Never Stop Learning

I think I posted this last year as well, but I truly believe it- NEVER stop learning. Never stop being curious, never stop reading, never stop signing up for classes, never stop asking questions. There is so much value in continuous education.

Attachment Types Are A HUGE Factor In Whether A Relationship Will Work Or Not

I won’t get too deep into this, but just google it and thank me later. It’s just another lesson I learned in my 30th year. Everyone is either secure, avoidant or anxious. Ideally we all want to be secure, but that’s not the reality of life. Our relationship with our parents, childhood trauma, relationship trauma, etc will contribute to your attachment style. I am anxious. I haven’t pinpointed why, but past relationships definitely play into it. I feel the need to ask for reassurance if I feel something is off, I worry a lot, I desperately want love but also worry a lot about losing it if I do get it. This is something I’m trying to fix with shadow work.

Pets And Kids Make Everything Better

They just do.

When This Pandemic Is Over, Travel As Often As You Can

I have cabin fever and I need to get out. I need to get away. Taking applications for a travel buddy now, apply within.

Everyone Needs A Hobby

I think I posted this one the last year too but during this pandemic it’s more important than ever. I have really been focussing on a few different hobbies this year. I’ve been dabbling in watercolour painting which I’m really enjoying. I played a little bit of tennis over the summer. I obviously write all the time, and read as much as I can. Lately I have been diving into listening to music more and taking in various podcasts. Clearly also working on lots of spiritual stuff. Hobbies just give you something to clear your mind, take away stress, etc.

Be A Good Person Just To Be A Good Person

This year I’ve been seeing SO many posts of people trying to gain clout by showing off how charitable they are. It’s great to want to inspire, but just do good things for the purpose of doing good things. Help people, donate whenever you can, pay for the people behind you at Tim Hortons, be a good friend. Just do it because it makes you feel good, and it helps others, not because you want to showcase how charitable you are.

It’s Just A Bad Year, Not A Bad Life

It’s a magical life.

D