Finding Purpose In Life When You Feel Like A Failure

Before I get started, I want to mention that I DO talk about spirituality in relation to your life’s purpose later in this post. If you don’t enjoy reading about those beliefs, this is your warning :)

What do you want to be when you grow up?

When we were kids, everyone always asked “what do you want to be when you grow up?” It was something I thought about a lot.

There are thousands of career options out there- so how do we know what to choose? We choose based on what our parent’s nudge us towards, what society tells us are good paying jobs, what people tell us we’re good at, etc.

Now that I’m in my 30s, it completely blows my mind that we expect teenagers (children) to choose what they want to be for the rest of their lives.

I had a hard time deciding.

I always enjoyed writing stories and poems as a child, and my mom encouraged me to take those writing skills and pursue journalism.

My dad wanted me to have a well paying career in the medical field (X-ray technician was brought up once or twice) so I could support myself, have a career to be proud of, and not live paycheck to paycheck.

I hated math and science (and my grades reflected that), so I knew I wouldn’t be able to get into school for anything medical related. I wanted a job that people would know me for. I wanted a job where my name would be seen in a byline, and so with the grades I had, I applied for journalism at our local college. My dad probably wasn’t pleased, but he supported me 100%

The Summer before college, I told a family member (not my parents) that I was going to school for journalism, and they immediately scoffed at the idea. Other members of the family were becoming doctors & nurses, and here I was trying to become a writer. I immediately felt ashamed, and knew I would probably never make them proud, and I hated that.

I carried that feeling with me as I started college. Now that I’m older, I’m pretty sure I have un-diagnosed ADD, because I did not do well in school. I had a hard time concentrating, procrastinated everything, and focused my attention on other interests. So now, not only was I pursuing a career that was seen as “less than”, I wasn’t even excelling in it. I felt like a failure.

After college, I moved to Fredericton with my friends and got an apartment and was excited to start life. I got a job at a call center, and began freelancing on the side. I still enjoyed writing, but due to not doing well in college I didn’t think I could actually make a career out of it.

Since then, I had a baby, I was hired to write for a magazine for 3 years, continued freelancing, created several blogs, etc. All while working at a call center. I often catch myself falling into that “I’m a failure” hole- but when I look back over the last 10 years since college, I’ve actually accomplished a lot. It’s important to look at all of your small accomplishments as BIG accomplishments, because they were.

Just a picture of me looking super professional

A page in my gratitude journal talks about writing a “reverse bucket list”. Instead of making a list of everything you WANT to do, make a list of everything you’ve already done, places you’ve seen, etc. This will help you see everything you’ve already accomplished. Gratitude is a great way to feel better about yourself and where your life is.

you do not need to have a career to have purpose

A few months ago I was talking to someone about how I felt like a failure because I didn’t go to University or have a career. They told me it wasn’t too late to do those things. I know it was meant as an encouraging word, but it made me feel worse. I know it’s not too late, but is going to University a prerequisite for feeling successful? Quite frankly, I don’t WANT to go to University. I LOVE learning, and would love to take some leisure courses, but I have absolutely no interest in doing into debt so a piece of paper can tell me I’m “worthy”.

I have no interest in devoting 4 years of my life to getting a diploma in one specific topic. I love doing a lot of things. I love writing, and painting & being creative. I love traveling & reading & being a mom. I know myself, and I know that I would get bored if I had to devote my life to one career, and start at the bottom at age 31. I know a lot of people who went to university and got the diploma and still don’t have a job. Or they have a job making less than what I do now at the call center I’m at.

At my current job I work at an awesome company with great co-workers. I make well above minimum wage. I have incredible benefits (90% coverage), I get quarterly and year end bonuses, 8 paid sick or family days a year, 3 weeks of paid vacation a year. I work day shifts that allow me to be home before 5pm every day. This is my 8th year here, and being at one place for 8 years looks incredibly when applying for a mortgage or loan. I just had a meeting with a financial planner yesterday about saving for the future.

I definitely didn’t set out to be here for 8 years when I started, which just shows how amazing this company truly is. My current job allows me the room to pursue my passions on the side. My side hustles, my hobbies, my interests. Just being at one job for 8 years makes me successful, in my eyes. On the outside people probably just see “call center worker”, but this job allows me so much more money, time and freedom than a lot of other jobs would.

Even if you don’t necessarily like the job you do right now, you can still be grateful for everything it provides you. A university degree or a fancy career is not the most important thing in life, and if you don’t have one, it’s because you weren’t supposed to have one. That’s not your purpose, and that’s okay.

What is our purpose then?

Let’s get a little bit woo woo for a moment. If you’re uncomfortable reading about spirituality or beliefs that aren’t the same as your own, I would stop reading here. Even if you have different beliefs, I know this next part will still be of value to read, and maybe bring you the same comfort it brings me. For the last year or so, I’ve been on a bit of a spiritual journey. I’ve been diving deep into why we’re here, the meaning of life, what all of this is all about. We ALL have our own beliefs & religions that we follow, and that’s okay- but I wanted to REALLY research this and come to my own conclusions based on facts, my own experiences, the experiences of others & what I feel is right. I’ve blogged a bit about this in the past, and you can read a bit more about my spiritual journey from a post I wrote last here HERE. I have expanded my beliefs since that post, but it’s a good starting point. A lot of spiritual experts say that 2020 triggered a worldwide spiritual awakening, so I imagine you’ll see a lot of people speaking up about this on social media soon (I’ve noticed it especially on TikTok, and Clubhouse).

First, I want to talk about reincarnation. I 100% believe with no doubt in reincarnation. There are thousands of stories around the world of children remembering their past lives, and knowing things they couldn’t possibly know. There are stories of children who remember in specific detail, their old name, jobs, addresses, events that happened in their past lives, etc. Their stories, (and my own experiences that I’ll talk about below) are all the proof I need to believe that this is true.

When I was younger, my grandfather gave me a book about a woman who had a near death experience. If I remember the name of it or can find it, I’ll link it here later. In the book, she talked about flat lining due to medical issues and crossing over to the “other side”. Before she crossed over, she saw her families in their homes, saw her own body from above, etc. While there, she was told about the “meaning of life” and why we’re here- that we are here for our souls to learn and grow. That we chose to be here, and decided what our soul’s lessons would be before we came to earth. Reading about her experience was where my beliefs in reincarnation began.

Since reading that, I’ve read stories from numerous psychic mediums & other people in the spiritual world that match what she was told. Stories from mediums about connecting with souls that are waiting for members of their family to cross over so they can reincarnate together, etc.

THEN, this past Summer I had a past life regression done by Suzanne Lawrence , which solidified all of the beliefs I already had. I’m going to devote a day soon to posting my regression online (I have over an hour of audio to upload and create a transcript for), because it’s honestly fascinating and I want all of you to hear it.

We are not humans experiencing the universe, we are the universe having a human experience. Everyone’s life purpose will be different depending on what your soul needs to experience & learn, or depending on the roles we need to play to help other people grow and learn.

How do i find my life’s purpose?

Just by experiencing life.

You may never find a solid “purpose” just by looking for it. We need to retrain ourselves to understand what a purpose is. A purpose isn’t a job or a career- it’s about our experiences and the impact we have on other people. Some people will impact others greatly THROUGH their career, but that’s because that was part of their purpose.

I will dive more into my own purpose when I talk about my past life regression more, but for now I just wanted you to think about yours.

Just be happy. Go do fun things. Be nice to people. Travel (when the pandemic is over). Raise your children to be good people. Spend time with your family. Create! Take fun classes. Explore and learn.

All of this that’s happening right now is your purpose, and you’re exactly where you need to be.

D