Self Love Sunday | Buy Yourself The Damn Flowers
My grandmother knows that I love wild flowers and always sends me home with lilacs and other flowers from her garden in the Spring and Summer. I remember being a child and walking through the forest with her at her old house in Boiestown, picking Lady Slippers. She would always send us home with a bouquet and put some on her own table as well. The simple gesture of someone picking flowers for you just makes you feel SO loved, doesn’t it?
Side note, I think Lady Slippers may be endangered now, so don’t pick those ones.
How many times have you walked past the grocery store floral department and longingly looked at the beautiful selection of bouquets wishing someone would buy you one? Almost every grocery trip, I quietly stroll my cart past the large floral selection of our local grocery store, leaning in to smell the flowers and imaging how a bouquet would look on my kitchen table. I always stop at my favourites- the hydrangeas and lovingly give them a little pat as I walk by. The truth is, no one has ever bought me a bouquet of hydrangeas before. I’ve gotten red roses a few times over the years for holidays and though I’m appreciative, I’ve always felt like I wasn’t being heard.
“I really love wild flowers”
“Hydrangeas are my favourite flower”
“Look at the wild flowers I picked today.”
“I’m really not a fan of roses”
“Wouldn’t this bouquet be pretty for Spring”
“Look at that huge hydrangea bush. They’re my favourite, I wish we could pick some for home.”
“Look at those wild flowers growing along the side of the road there, aren’t they pretty?”
Etc etc for the last decade.
Why do we feel like we need to drop hints like its a full time job when we want something? Almost every time I’ve ever gotten flowers it was after some HARDCORE hinting, and always for occasions (the occasional Valentine’s Day, giving birth, etc.) There have been a couple of times it was a surprise, and I would get red roses, but there was always this tiny feeling of “I’m only doing it so she doesn’t complain that I didn’t”, not “I’m doing it because she deserves this show of appreciation.”
The truth is, I don’t like red roses. I would much rather have a bouquet of wild flowers (picked or bought), on my table and I can’t count the amount of times I’ve mentioned that over the years only to be told that roses were what you were “supposed” to get someone. It’s not about the fact that I want someone to buy me something, it’s that I wasn’t being heard, and I wasn’t feeling understood. Also, wild flowers tend to be less expensive (HELLO). You can pick them right off the side of the road.
A lot of us have been there- you hint and hint as a holiday approaches, and then when they begrudgingly buy the flowers, you post the pictures to social media like its the most romantic gesture of life. Then, when you don’t hint thinking you would give them the benefit of the doubt, you get nothing and spend the night watching Lifetime movies and crying because you just want a TINY show of appreciation. You just want to feel like you were enough to deserve flowers that year.
The first time my son picked me flowers, I cried. Then, I reminded him often to pick flowers for other people in our life. I told him how much his daycare teachers would appreciate a few flowers from our garden or how he should pick some for his grandmother. Eventually he started wanting to on his own and got excited when he had the chance to do so. It’s such a small gesture, like paying for someone’s order in the line behind you at a coffee shop, but you KNOW it will brighten their day.
Mason- Age 1
I know there are some of you out there that feel like this. You spend all of your days taking care of your family- preparing their favorite meals, buying the Christmas gifts and signing both of your names, etc and you just want a little something to brighten your day once in a while.
We all have different love languages, and not everyone will show you appreciation in the form of giving you flowers, BUT don’t let yourself long for something that you may never get. We need to show ourselves love and appreciation too, and not wait for someone else to give us the validation we should be giving ourselves.
The floral section at the store is for us too. Next time you’re buying groceries for your family, I want you ALL to head straight for the floral sections and buy yourself a bouquet of your favourite flowers. When the cashier asks if you want them wrapped, you say YES, because they are a gift to yourself. When you get home, I want you to put on some upbeat music, cut the ends off and give them their plant food, then put some on your table, and also your nightstand so you can smell them as you go to sleep. Then repeat this monthly (or even weekly!) until you don’t feel that longing anymore.
Remember that you’re worth every petal.
Take it further and buy some for your best friend, your mom, your grandmother, your favourite teacher, or any other woman you know strolls through the floral section like I do.
We all deserve the damn flowers.