33 Things I've Learned This Year | On My 33rd Birthday
Photo by Ashley Marie Creative Studios
It’s that time of year again! Time for my annual “things I learned this year” birthday post. 32 was a year full of love, learning, sickness, grief, and growth. Here are 33 things I learned in 2022:
1 | Therapy Is necessary and incredible
It’s no secret that I have anxiety and OCD. My doctor has been telling me for years to start therapy, and I finally pushed my anxiety aside long enough to make the call to book an appointment. It was incredible. I immediately clicked with her, and left my first session feeling lighter, happier, and validated. The best part is, it’s covered through work for me, so I pay $0. Even if I did have to pay, I would still do it. It’s SO worth it.
2 | Not everyone has to like me (but I wish they would)
I’ve always had this deep fear that I won’t be liked by everyone. Now to be clear, I think I’m awesome. I really enjoy my own company, and I want everyone around me to feel the same way. My boyfriend Kris also does an amazing job at keeping my ego fueled by telling me how incredible I am several times a day. I’m very introverted when first meeting people though, and a bit awkward. I can’t jump into a small talk conversation with someone new, and be immediately charming. I loathe small talk. Talk to me about a book, spirituality, a class you’re taking, your 5 year plan, finance, etc, but do NOT talk to me about the weather. I will glaze over.
I’ve met a lot of new people this year, and worried and wondered to the depths of my soul if they liked me or not. Earlier this year I had someone new remove me as a Facebook friend, and it still haunts me. Literally, I just had a dream about it earlier this week. In my dream, one of my friends blocked me from social media for no reason, and I spent the entire dream panicking and trying to figure out why. I do it too. I remove people from Facebook if I don’t vibe with them. If it’s someone I don’t want to totally remove, but I don’t want to see their posts, I will mute them for a while. For some reason though, it shocks me when it happens to me. Not that I’m some covert narcissist who needs to be loved by all- I’m not. I think it just boils down to needing a reason why someone doesn’t like me. I’m the kind of person where if I have a job interview and don’t get the job, I would want a detailed list as to what I could have done better. Just tell me why you don’t like me, so I can decide if I’m the problem and if there are things I can improve on. Is that too much to ask?
Can you see why I’m in therapy?
3 | It’s okay to let people go
A family member who was also one of my closest friends completely ghosted our entire family in 2017. Looking back on it, I wish I would have done things differently. She was going through a hard time, and I didn’t understand it. I had also recently gone through a hard time and was pressing her on why she wasn’t there for me, not realizing she was dealing with something of her own.
It ended with a Facebook conversation, and a few weeks later she completely removed our entire family from social media, and I haven’t seen her or spoken to her since. This was someone I used to see on a weekly basis and talk to constantly. She was the person I always searched for at family gatherings, but even more than that. This year, we lost our grandfather, and I tried to reach out but didn’t hear back from her. It kills me that my son, who she was so involved with as a baby, doesn’t know who she is. It kills me that she won’t get to meet my significant other, because I know they would get along. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and I can’t share that with her. I’ve thought about this situation on an almost monthly basis for the last 6 years. I know that sounds excessive, but it literally haunts me. We live in the same city and I haven’t laid eyes on her in almost 6 years. My grandmother misses her and talks about the sitaution often. She tried calling her for a long time after it happened, until that phone number no longer worked.
I’ve decided to accept that I’ll probably never see her again. That my nan will eventually pass away without ever seeing her again, just like our grandfather did. I have so many things I wish I could share with her- so many items of our pup’s that I found after he passed, so many interesting family heirlooms that I’ll never get the chance to show her. My inbox is always open, and I would love to hear from her again, but I can’t reach out any more, I need to let her go. I can’t continue to be haunted by a ghost that doesn’t want to be found. It’s okay to let go.
4| Living an incredible life outside of social media is empowering
Some of the people I admire most in life rarely post to social media. They’ll pop up every few weeks with a quick post that leaves me wondering what else they’ve been up to lately in their amazing lives. The infrequency in which they post makes me believe they are behind the scenes living their best life. They’re too busy to post to social media, because they’re living in the moment and enjoying every second of the magical life they’ve created.
Being a blogger and writer means that I need to post to social media to remain somewhat relevant- but let me tell you, I feel SO empowered when I don’t post for a while. I doubt there’s anyone out there wondering what I’m doing behind the scenes- but I’ll tell you that it’s a lot of love, and happiness, and fun, and being a mom, and everyday magic. Just knowing that I get to live such a wonderful life behind the scenes and don’t HAVE to let people in unless I want to, it incredibly empowering.
5 | Money is important, debt is bullshit, Get a savings account
This past year, I have been the most financially stable I’ve ever been in my life, and it feels really good. I’m incredibly proud of the progress we’ve made when it comes to finances. I did get a bit of a windfall last year that propelled this journey- but since then, we’ve paid every single monthly bill on time, we’ve paid off my debt, this year we’ve added almost $1000 to my son’s education fund, and we’ve come up with a solid savings plan to save for a house. We are driving two secondhand vehicles that are totally paid off, and we don’t feel the need to “keep up with the joneses” with the newest and best vehicles.
My SO and I have the same mentality when it comes to money, and that is extremely important. We discuss purchases with each other, we don’t overspend, and we both contribute to our savings account every month.
I no longer envy people who have “more” than me, because I have everything I need and want. When I see people constantly upgrading vehicles or financing things all the time, all I can think of is “eeek, debt.”
To get to this point, I had to consolidate and pay off my debt, I had to sell a vehicle that had a huge loan on it so I could get out of the loan and get a cheaper used car. I had to put the work in to dig myself out, and if any of you want advice on how to get started, let me know! Also, manifestation is real - do it.
6 | Its okay to take a break from Work
In July of this year, I started an almost 4 month LOA from work. It was covered by Blue Cross, and the first real break I’ve taken in 8 years. Everything in my personal life was better than ever, but I needed to work on improving anxiety, and some other health issues I had been experiencing since having Covid. I also decided to stop freelancing during this time. I worked with my doctor, started therapy, and did a lot of self reflection to get over burn out. It’s something I’m still working on today.
While on leave, I learned some very important lessons about work. The first being, I’m just a number, I am replaceable, and work can not be my main focus in life. I’ve literally worked there for 9 years of my life, and ONE person said “welcome back” to me when I came back this month. Nobody told me they were sorry for my loss when my grandfather passed in June. Nobody acknowledges me when I trudge to my desk every morning. The entire 9 years I’ve worked there, no one has ever wished me a happy birthday. Nobody says “have a good night” when I leave every day. I am invisible. I sit at my desk all day and talk to no one except the customers that call me to fix their problems. No one gives a shit about me at work. I’m just there to do a job. I work to make money, because my dreams require funding, and that’s all. My time is SO much more valuable than work. It’s okay to take a break.
7 | Plants are healing, and you can never have too many
I’ve turned our house into a bit of a jungle this year, and I’m not sorry. I have over 20 healthy plants throughout the house, and several more propagating. I want more. Need more. I love taking care of them and watching them grow. I love finding the perfect aesthetically pleasing pots for them and incorporating them into our decor. I just bought a book on gardening and I’m already planning an indoor herb garden and outdoor veggie garden for this Spring. My mom recently got me the Click and Grow 3 garden so I can grow herbs and veggies inside. If you’re feeling down, go get a plant.
8 | I’m missing some important life skills, but I’m working on it
By important life skills, I mean things that our grandparents would have grown up knowing how to do, like sewing, gardening, preserving food, etc. With the rising cost of literally everything, I’ve been craving a more sustainable and simplistic life. I bought a vintage sewing machine earlier this year, and I want to learn how to make and mend things. I want to learn how to grow my own food. I want to make bread instead of buying it all the time. These are simple skills that we should all have, but a lot of us don’t. This coming year, I’m going to work on living a more sustainable life.
9 | I’m too old for drama
I literally can not handle any drama in my life. I just want to live a nice quiet life with peace and happiness.
10 | However, 33 is not old
Sometimes I go through these weird panic moments when I realize I’m getting out of my “early” 30s and nearing my “mid 30s”, and it’s scary. I have to check in with myself every so often and remind myself that 32 or 33 is not old. 35 isn’t old. My boyfriend is turning 43 in January, and I don’t feel like he’s old, I feel like he’s the same age as me. Sometimes I see photos of people I went to school with who now have wonderful little laugh lines forming on their faces, and examine my own face to see if it’s aging too. I see myself every day, and wonder if I am aging but just don’t notice it. My mom and nan make it seem like they just woke up one day and suddenly their reflections didn’t match who they are inside. There is nothing wrong with aging- it’s much better than the alternative. I think it freaks me out because I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished everything I want to yet. I did a “reverse bucket list” in a gratitude journal I got recently, and it helped me see that I have accomplished a lot, but there’s so much more I want to do.
I stress a lot about retirement and buying a house someday, and figuring out a 10 year plan. I think those are important things to figure out, but I don’t want to worry about it constantly. I want to focus more on living in the moment, enjoying my age, and not taking my youth for granted.
11 | I am a great mother (My therapist said so)
I think all parents wonder if they are doing things right. One reason I love talking to a therapist is because she validates my feelings and tells me how things are. I recently had an argument with someone about helicopter parenting. I encountered someone who allowed their young children to walk to a nearby park by themselves, and scoffed at me when I wouldn’t let my son go alone. They told me I must live a sad life being constantly worried about everything all the time. I do worry, because the world is a scary place. I won’t just send my 8 year old outside or to the park alone. I also love spending time with my son, and we have a great time together when Kris and I go places with him. We love playing outside, watching him ride his bike, playing sports together, etc. I knew I was in the right here, but my therapist immediately validated me and told me I was a great mother.
My son is a picky eater, but he is well fed. He doesn’t always clean his room, but he has a room- and it’s warm and full of toys and clothes, and stuff he loves. He loves sports, so I make sure he has every opportunity to play whatever sport he wants to. I never miss a sporting event, or school event because I can’t stand the thought of him searching the crowd for my face and me not being there. I’m in a relationship with a man who is patient and kind, and never raises his voice or gets angry with us. Our house is full of love, and fun, and adventure. We go on road trips, and take family vacations whenever we can. I love him more than anything, and I may not be the best mom in the world, but I’m the best mom for him.
12 | Sometimes influencing feels icky
I love my blog, and I love writing- but sometimes being a “micro influencer” feels icky, and I crave more for myself. Over the last 5 years, I’ve done a lot of different collaborations with my blog. I’ve worked with stores and brands on promoting a variety of products. It’s fun and exciting getting sent free products in the mail, but the influencer world is SO over saturated now, and I want to be more than just a billboard for various brands. There are some collaborations that I LOVED being a part of- I LOVE promoting anything local or small business. However, earlier this year I was sent clothing for a collab with a brand that I’ve collaborated with many times.
They sent the clothes with no “asks”, just a “share if you want to” kind of situation. Bloggers can’t pay their bills with free products, so its not unusual to be sent products with no specific ask involved. I almost always shared anything I was sent anyway, as a thank you to the brand- but this time I didn’t share right away because we had covid, and a death in the family. The brand began harassing me to share the clothes, and even asked me to create a video that they could use for marketing purposes. I shared the clothes on IG stories, but they wanted more and more FREE content, and I was SO over it. I had also heard from other influencers that this brand had sketchy business practices. I emailed them severing our professional relationship, and thankfully haven’t heard from them since.
Ever since that situation, I’ve been a lot more observant of what influencers I follow are sharing. I get annoyed at click-batey titles, and cringe at fake scriped videos that people do for views. I crave more and want to do more than just gain followers and get free stuff. I want to be an author, and be known for my words and experiences rather than gimickey sales posts.
I’ll still accept collaborations with companies I truly love, but won’t be actively searching for “just because” collabs any more.
13 | Grief is weird
Before this year, I’ve never really lost anyone that I was close to. I’ve had family members pass away, but this is the year I first lost a grandparent. I know that at 32 years old, I was incredibly lucky to have all of my grandparents for that long.
When my grandfather was dying, I was sitting on a beach in Nova Scotia. It was a foggy day, and we were the only ones on the beach. Mason and Kris took a walk to look at some big rocks down the beach, and I stayed behind to watch the waves. I closed my eyes and imagined my grandfather sitting beside me. He was young again, and drinking a glass bottle of Coca Cola (he worked for Coca Cola for years). I imagined the ocean breeze blowing his auburn hair away from his face, and we sat and watched the tide come in together. He loved nature and being outside, but I had never seen him on a beach before in real life. He was a “fishing in the river” kind of guy, but in that moment somehow, I know he was with me. He died later that day while we were on our way back to New Brunswick. It poured rain the entire way home, and my mom called and told me when we got back.
I consider myself a very spiritual person. I don’t love organized religion, but I believe in a higher power, the universe, reincarnation, and “the other side.” I believe that our loved ones can communicate with us once they pass, and I believe in signs. For the first few weeks after he died, I felt him around me constantly. I would see him out of the corner of my eye, or feel him near me. I would see signs that he was with me constantly. During our first Thanksgiving without him, I felt that he was right there relaxing on the couch, watching over us from the next room.
And then sometimes I don’t feel him at all. It’s like he just evaporated into thin air - here one minute and gone the next. I was lucky enough to inherit some special family heirlooms, like his mother’s hutch, stories and poems he wrote, things he kept over the years, etc. Those things help me feel close to him again. I wrote a story about him for Ageless NB Magazine, and I’m going to write a book about his life. He left me so many amazing stories and souvinirs from his life, and I have to put them into words for everyone to read.
Grief is weird. Just like him, its here one minute and gone the next. It’s up to those of us left behind to carry on their story.
14 | That love does exist
I haven’t talked a ton about my relationship on my blog or social media. I post little snippits here and there, but I could honesly talk about it forever if I could. It’s “that love” that we always dreamed about as little girls. It’s all encompassing and magical. It’s something I wish everyone could experience. The level of love and respect we have for each other is like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
We tell each other every single day how obsessed we are with each other. I still feel excited and happy when I see him walk into a room. He’s my safe place, and I’m his. We’ve never had a disagreement that we couldn’t talk about calmly, and we check in with each other’s feelings constantly. It’s an equal relationship, where we both take on our share of life duties. We both work, cook, clean, run errands, drive, take care of Mason and the pets, etc. When I’m sick he takes care of me, and when he’s sick I take care of him. We have the same goals in life, and are both willing to put in the effort to work towards them. We support each others hobbies and interests. We rarely argue- like pretty much never, and any tiny disagreement that may come up, we just talk it out calmly. I always feel loved and cared for, and I do my best to make sure he feels the same.
I guess what I’m saying with this point is, “that love” exists, and everything happens in perfect timing. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve told him that I wish we would have realized our connection sooner (we knew each other for 8 years before dating)- but everything happens for a reason and at the right time.
15 | Someones success does not negate your own
I’ve talked about imposter syndrome before on the blog, and it’s something I’ve struggled with consistently over the years. I have some very successful and amazingly talented friends who have done big things this year- and I am SO proud of them. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that sometimes I feel left behind when it comes to celebrating the success of my friends and family. My main goal in life right now is to have my books published and become more well known as a writer.
When I do my reverse bucket list, it helps me to realize that I have done a ton with my writing career so far. I’ve been published in newspapers, I worked for a magazine for 3 years and have been published in others, I’ve freelanced for online publications, my blog has been shared by various news sites, I have several blog posts on the first page of google, etc. I am successful, even if some of my lofty goals have yet to come to fruition.
16 | The older I get, the more I’m turning into my nan, and I love it
Can I just say, that grandmothers really know how to live? The older I get, the more I realize that I’m turning into my nan, and I love it. My nan has always had a green thumb and been a plant queen, and I’m proud to say I’m taking after her. I have over 20 plants, and am currently propogating more. One of the plants is a special family heirloom plant- the mother plant was purchased by my nan in the 50s or 60s. My nan loves to spend her time reading, gardening, and cooking. She loves murder mysteries and thrillers, and when she’s not busy keeping her house in pristine condition, she can be found tending to her plants or relaxing with a book.
Nan loves wearing button up blouses, and this year in particular, I seem to have filled my own closet with the same. She loves to laugh, and has a hidden streak of wittiness that I love so much. She is not afraid to tell you exactly what she thinks about something you’re doing wrong, as long as it’s for your own good. We have no time for hooligans and nonsense. She also loves like no other. If I could spend the rest of my days gardening, reading, cooking, loving and laughing, that would be enough for me.
Also, if you’re lucky enough to still have grandparents- go call them. I love talking to nan on the phone, and I know she loves hearing from me.
17 | Boundaries are important
I’ve never been the best at setting boundaries. I often act as a push over to people in my life, holding space for things I don’t always want to. If there is anyone in your life who is stressing you out, bringing negativity into your life, causing drama, etc- setting boundaries will be a game changer.
18 | Health is number one
We started out the year getting covid in February. Following having covid, I had several health issues and long covid symptoms. My anxiety increased, I had horrible stomach issues, and a massive list of symptoms I was experiencing in the notepad on my phone. In July, I finally started to take control of my health and went on an LOA from work. I got medication for my anxiety and stomach issues, and started working on inner healing. I bought a treadmill. I started taking vitamins and health supplements, and drinking more water. I realized this year that our health and how we feel on a day to day basis, is the foundation for everything we do in life.
19 | Karma is real
Karma is a God, karma is the wind in my hair on the weekend, karma’s a relaxing thought, aren’t you envious that for you it’s not?
Okay, I, like everyone else, am currently obsessing over the Taylor Swift Midnights album- but this year more than ever I’ve noticed just how real karma is, and it feels great.
20 | Sometimes you have to do things that not everyone agrees with
This point isn’t about me necessarily. I follow an influencer named Hannah Stella, and Hannah has had one hell of a year. She started out the year a rich housewife living between NYC and Sun Valley Idaho, and is ending her year a divorcee living on a sailing catamaran she just purchased with her new deep sea fisherman boyfriend. I’ve been a fan of Hannah since she first popped up on my TikTok FYP, because she is down to earth and tells it like it is.
Last year when she was still married, she started talking about wanting to learn how to sail. She ordered books about sailing and was determined to make this a reality. She talked about how no one believed that she would actually do it- and now look at her. Hannah left a marriage that wasn’t working out, and used some of the money to buy a $600 000 catamaran. She is currently preparing to make her way to the Carribean to live there full time on her boat. She went from an unemployed housewife with a maid to living full time on a catamaran. She is doing something that no one thought she could do. Hannah has a weekly Substack newsletter called Moxie where you can read more about her situation.
Sometimes in life, you just have to go for it. Not everyone is going to have $600K to spend on a sailing catamaran, but I guarantee there are things in your life that you want to do but are afraid to. Or maybe there is something you want to do but no one believes in you. Maybe you want to move to a new city, or start a new hobby, or quit your job to follow your dreams. Sometimes you have to do crazy things to be happy, and that’s okay.
21 | other people are responsible for their own healing
Some people never change, and that is not your responsiblity to make them.
22 | play is important
When I look back at 2022, I realize that I didn’t play enough. We play board games, and have nerf gun battles with my son all the time- there is a ton of that kind of play- but I didn’t do anything for myself. I didn’t paint anything this year ( I love painting), I didn’t build a sand castle at the beach, I didn’t walk outside barefoot enough. This year, I want to incorporate more play and fun.
23 | family history is important
When my grandfather passed earlier this year, I suddenly gained access to a plethora of family history that I had never seen before. I discovered our family bible for the first time- a massive book from the 1800s, full of hundred year old pressed flowers, newspaper clippings, and family names. I found a box full of old family photos, some of my great grandparents. I found boxes and boxes of handwritten poems, stories, and letters that my grandfather had kept over the years. He kept everything, and I took as much as I could home with me.
I was also given my great grandmother’s buffet. It was my grandfather’s mother’s, and it had been in storage for decades, most recently used in my grandparent’s garage. We brought it home and cleaned it up, and this Christmas I decorated it. I’m going to frame some photos of my great grandmother to display on it. I feel so honoured that I get to bring this piece of furniture back to life after it had been sitting dormant for so long.
I also feel so blessed that my grandfather kept literally everything over the years. I wrote about him for the Fall issue of Ageless New Brunswick magazine, and I have another project in the works too, that I’ll be sharing with you soon.
24 | Sports are fun
I’ve never really been an athletic girly. In school, I was a yearbook and prom committee kind of person, and have always gravitated towards similar hobbies- but my 8 year old son LOVES sports, and we really got into playing them with him this year.
I can’t even count the amount of time we spent at the tennis court this Summer and Fall. Towards the end of Fall, we even got into Basketball- and I can’t wait for the snow to melt so we can get back to the courts. Mason plays inside all year round, but I really loved packing up our raquets on cool evenings and heading to the outdoor tennis court up the street. In 2023, I’m considering getting a membership at the local tennis centre. It’s not only a fun way to exercise, but it’s also a great way to share in hobbies as a family.
25 | It’s okay to follow your own path
I’ve been stressing for years over the decision to go to University or not. I have moments where I think- hey maybe having a university degree would make me more credible as a writer. Maybe It would give me a sense of pride and accomplishment. I went to college after high school, but I didn’t actually go to University, and it’s something I’ve regretted.
Then there are the several times a year that I have first day of school nightmares. I’m wandering around the hallways, completely lost, and late for class. I’m panicking and on the verge of a panic attack, and then I wake up and relief floods over me.
I have decided that I will never go back to school. I don’t want the debt, and I can’t handle the stress. I have been a successful writer without a fancy degree under my belt. When I publish my novels, it’s okay if my author blurb doesn’t list what school I went to. I can read and write and study on my own time, without the stress of making grades.
I know people who did go to university who can’t write at all and constantly have typos and bad grammar in everything they put online. A piece of paper does not mean anything when it comes to skill as a writer.
It’s okay to do whatever feels right for you.
26 | It’s also okay not to have a fancy job title
I’ve come across people this year who are SO cocky about their job titles, and it’s the biggest turn off.
I come from a family of people with great jobs- my dad is a retired RCMP officer, my mom is a manager, my step mom is a retired teacher, my grandparents were entrepreneuers, and I have tons of family and friends who are doctors, nurses, business owners, etc. I grew up surrounded by people who were proud of their careers, and worked hard to get where they are. BUT they are humble about it.
I’m honestly more impressed by people’s hobbies than their job titles. I know people who spend all their lives working fancy jobs, and have nothing else. I also know people who work modest jobs, and have vibrant home lives full of adventure, fun, hobbies, time with their family, etc. I’m more impressed by the latter.
27 | We must never stop learning
I might not be going to university, but I am a huge fan of continued learning. I am constantly taking little online courses, signing up for free seminars, using Duolingo, listening to podcasts and audiobooks, etc. I gravitate towards content about improving my writing skills, learning about finances, and anything releated to self improvement- but there is a TON of content out there for anything you may want to learn. Don’t settle for what you already know- keep reading, and learning and growing.
28 | I personally can not let my life revolve around work
As mentioned above, I took a 4 month paid LOA from work this year, and it was very much needed. I’ve been thinking about work a lot lately, trying to decide exactly how I can achieve the life I want.
As I’m sitting here writing this blog post, I am on my 15 minute break at work. There is maybe 4 -6 people in the office today, and one of my co-workers just came over with a tin full of cookies and offered one to the girl sitting beside me, but did not offer me one. I get it, maybe they are friends, and she only brought cookies for her friends today (even though there is barely any one here). I honestly don’t care about the damn cookie- BUT it reminded me just how invisible I am here.
Have you ever seen that episode of Friends where Pheobe takes a job at a toner supply call centre, and her first call is to an office manager named Earl (played by Jason Alexander), who doesn’t need toner because has plans to off himself that day? Earl is completely invisible at his office. He talks loudly about his plans to kill himself, and nobody in the office looks sideways at him- so Pheobe tracks him down and convinces him to live.
Okay, sometimes I feel like Earl. I’m not going to off myself (I promise), but I work at an office where I am completely invisible. I’ve been here 9 years and I literally have no one here to talk to. During the pandemic, everyone went to work from home, and there are only a few of us left here, so any friends I did have are either at home or working in other departments now.
I walk in, do my job every day, and walk out. Usually not talking to another human in person the entire time. Sometimes a manager will say good morning, and sometimes we have meetings to attend, etc- but other than that, I sit alone, do my job, and leave. Maybe I just can’t let my life revolve around work because I don’t love what I do.
I LIVE for home life. I love spending time with Kris, Mason, our pets, and my friends. I love working on our home, and gardening, and having adventures, and traveling, and reading, and just being together and enjoying life.
Earlier this year, I listed a few bar cart printables on Etsy, but life was busy and after I listed them I set the shop aside for a while and didn’t list any more. They happened to be Christmas printables, and in the last month, I’ve made ten sales! ten sales with no advertising at all! That my friends, is passive income. I put the effort in to create the printables, and then once they are listed, the money just comes in and I don’t have to do any more work, until it’s time to create more.
I’ve been doing a lot of journaling and deep diving lately, and I realize that making passive income is the ideal career for me. Whether that is through Etsy, publishing books, etc. I have a lot of traits of undiagnosed ADHD, and when I hyper focus on something, I can get A LOT done in a short amount of time. But once it’s done, I feel drained and need to set it aside for a bit and work on something else. Creating streams of passive income is perfect for me, because I can block off time to put a lot of effort into creating things, and then set it aside while the money continues to flow in.
My main goal in life is to be an author and publish my books. I am staying at my day job right now so we can save for a house, but in the background I am also continuously working towards my goals. I finished my first book this year, and I’m in the process of deciding whether or not to self publish or try the traditional route. I need to write, and I need a job with passive income, because I don’t want to wait for retirement to do all of the things I love. I know you’re probably thinking- but everyone would love to have passive income and live the life they want. And to that I say- then go do it.
29 | I can’t handle negativity anymore
The last couple of years more than ever, I find myself physically recoiling whenever I’m around overly negative people. You know the kind of people who suck you into their woe-is-me spirals. Energy vampires who just spew negativity and take your light- I can’t do it. Negativity is a virus that continues to spread. For example- if someone uses me to complain about every little thing going wrong in their life, I leave the conversation feeling completely drained. Venting to your friends who you know have the capacity to listen is one thing, but draining people of their life force is another.
30 | Sometimes I’m the problem
Sometimes I get in my own way. I overthink things, I talk down to myself, I set my goals on a shelf until they get dusty. I let my anxiety take over. I create stress that isn’t there. I ruminate on stress that is there.
This year I’m going to continue working on myself. Self love, accomplishing my goals, getting rid of negativity, nurturing my relationship, being a good mom, friend, etc.
31 | Self love isn’t what I thought it was
I recently saw a TikTok of a girl making herself a bagel. Like literally MAKING the bagel. She described only having 10 minutes before bed to prep her breakfast for the next day, and began pulling ingredients out of the cupboard. She mixed up the ingredients in a little bowl, and proceeded to make one single bagel.
The next morning, she took the bagel dough out of the fridge, cooked it, and made herself a breakfast sandwich.
Someone in the comments said that she clearly has a lot of self love for herself to do that. Reading that comment made me realize that self love is not what I thought it was. The simple act of making time to cook herself a bagel showed that she cared enough about herself to do so. She carefully and lovingly shaped the dough, and the next morning made herself a healthy sandwich out of it.
Self love is not just loving your body or what you look like, it’s taking the time to nurture yourself the way you would someone you love. It’s recognizing what you need, and providing yourself with it. It’s being there for yourself, even with something as simple as meal prepping. I’m going to work more on this kind of self love this year.
32 | Renting isn’t so bad
This year, our country (and many others) was faced with a housing crisis. The cost to purchase a home has skyrocketed, and rent has increased everywhere. I’ve literally never been so thankful to live where we do, as I was this year. We have a 3 bedroom townhouse, a nice big yard, and super cheap rent in a desireable neighbourhood.
A major life goal of mine has always been to buy a house, and we still want to- but renting isn’t so bad. We have our lawncare and snow removal taken care of, if anything breaks, they fix it. We are lucky enough to live somewhere that allows us to paint the walls, and have pets. It feels exactly like owning a house, but better.
It’s allowed me to realize that I don’t want to settle when we finally do buy a home. I want to take the time to save up and buy THE home, not some starter home that we don’t fully love.
33 | being in your 30s is so much better than being in your 20s
Since turning 30, I have left a bad marriage, met the love of my life, gotten 100% out of debt, put money into savings, redecorated our entire house, finished writing a book, read SO many books, and improved my life in so many other ways.
When you’re in your 30s, you start to realize what you really want in life, and work towards achieving it. You don’t have patience for bullshit any more. You shed the baggage and debt you acquired in your 20s, and work at building the life you really want. You have grown up money that you can spend on things you actually want once in a while without worrying about having the funds for it. I no longer live paycheck to paycheck, and don’t worry about having money to pay our bills. I hope to grow this even more in 2023.
I’m working on building confidence that I didn’t have in my 20s. I’m no longer afraid to say how I feel, and refuse to let any one walk all over me.
If you’re stressing about turning 30, don’t. You’re still young, and can make your life into whatever you want it to be.